crushed....

in my mind the last day and a half...
well, actually the last almost three weeks are as blurred as my vision is through my swelled eyes right now. i can't even believe i am forcing myself up out of bed to type this out. but, i want it to be remembered...
as fresh and new as it is this second in my head, without god's healing time altering my perception of how i feel this moment.

in his plan and in his purpose our unborn baby went home to be with his heavenly father this morning.
honestly, under the circumstances leading us to this path i thought i had prepared myself better for this day.
but i'm broken. i feel sad and incomplete.

here is what i know whole heartedly, and will never let go of....

god has a reason, he has a plan, he sees us, he loves us, he will heal and guide us. he will never leave us, and he will give us comfort.

i have never loved or been so happy to have married my husband as this day. in his state of shock he has been there. he has morned with me, he has held me, he has loved me, he has comforted me with words and gestures, and has shown compassion....
all while his heart has hurt and loss.
in his "not know what to do" state of mind he has done everything needing to be done. he is strong. and i am so blessed to travel this life with him as my partner.

somewhere in heaven our baby has a best friend. they will run the streets of haven never knowing pain, hatred, or evil. and somewhere in my heart i am comforted by that thought.



Philippians 4:4-9 (NIV)...

"4Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!
5Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.
6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you."